Do you like being single?
Having graduated from an all woman’s college, I have met many women who were hungry for a boyfriend. One day when walking back to the dorm after dinner, a girl asked me how you get a boyfriend. I offered online dating, but honestly I had no idea.
During my studies in Paris, most of the girls in my program wanted to find a hot French boyfriend. It came up frequently in conversation. How/where do I find a French guy?
As someone who doesn’t know much about dating, flirting or how to otherwise find oneself in a relationship - I have to say that the prospect of me being “single” forever (or a really long time) is highly probable.
But my non-existent dating history has proven to be advantageous in its own way - I can’t miss what I’ve never had. I’m not used to compromising what I want. I’m not used to having someone to rely on. I’m not used to experiencing happiness and acceptance from another person.
For a lot of women (who probably have self-esteem issues), dating is the ultimate gateway to adoration and approval. It shows that you are worthy of being loved. And on the rare occasions that someone has had a crush on me, it has definitely put a skip into my step, knowing that someone thinks I’m cute. But people liking me isn’t necessarily a confidence booster.
I’m not very many people’s “type”. Which is fine. And my focus tends to be on ME, ME, ME! As it should be. Through personal and spiritual development, my hope is to cultivate a more sustainable relationship with myself. Even if that means being single for extended periods of time.
So my goal is to get rid of the concept : “singleness”. Why? Because I don’t want to identify as a woman who is in transition, waiting to be in a relationship – especially in a culture where being married/with someone is seen as the key to happiness. Admittedly, I have my own thought processes to check. Whenever I check out a blog, one of the first things I want to know is if the blogger in question is seeing anyone. Why this information is relevant I don’t know, but I feel compelled to know. In fact, not knowing tends to drive me crazy.
Part of it might be that I love learning about the intimate details of people’s lives. Or it might be that I’m obsessed with dating and relationships.
But I don’t want to be. Which is why my hope is to have a great relationship with myself. I’m a firm believer that everything you do, have and experience is meant to enhance your life, not to make you dependent. I don’t want single to mean “waiting for a romantic interest”, I want it to mean “empowerment and self-sufficiency”. My hope is to be happy with my life, even if I don’t have another person to experience it with because it is MY life and no one else can live it.
So I wish instead of single, people could just say, “In a loving, empowering relationship with myself.” And if anyone asks if you’re seeing someone, you say, “Yeah. Myself! And it’s been going great! Been together 23 years!”
What about you? What are some of your feelings when people ask you about your relationship status?