Being Happy, Single and Childfree!

Today – I’m so blessed to not be married, pregnant or have kids.

I’m thrilled that I can get up and go wherever I want and do whatever pleases me. A part of me feels that it’s insensitive to be openly enthusiastic about my singleness and being Childfree. But, why should I hide it? I never want to have children – unless they’re in the form of kittens – and I wonder if being in a relationship is worth the time and effort that could be better spent on other activities.

This past weekend I attended New York Comic Con and it was FANTASTIC. I loved seeing all the cosplayers, meeting industry professionals and checking out all the new things coming out in the coming months and into the next year. The panels I managed to attend were interesting and I got to make some new friends and connections all within the span of only three days. When I arrived home Sunday evening, the last day of the Con, this immense sadness filled me as I realized that the fantasy was over and I had to return to reality.

But it also gave me massive insight into what I want to do: create comics, talk to fans, sit on panels about important SHIT and have meaningful discussions about representation in comics. Even though I loved the Womanthology panel I attended – since I contributed as a Writer – I realized that all the women talking to us were white and heterosexual. I loved the all-female presence, but still felt ostracized from the group at large. I wandered throughout the Con, trying to find black creators – there were a few – and trying to find black female characters for me to support – hardly found any. Even when I stopped by Prism Comics, they only had three titles featuring black lesbians, and it doesn’t help that the people who are the face of the gay community tend to be white males. And this is something I definitely want to address in my own career.

And as I get myself situated in New York, mostly focusing on my new internship, job interviews, and writing – I realize that there’s no real time (or urge) to date. I don’t think of my life choices as being anti-cookie cutter or “rule breaking”, the way many Gen Y speak about their decisions, but I do have significantly more important things I want to focus on. So, I feel so thankful that I’m able to do that without having to balance someone else’s needs alongside my own (child or partner)!

I definitely plan on being Childfree for the rest of my existence – I don’t particularly like kids and I definitely don’t want them. And dating? Most people my age are frantic in their search for a partner, or are casually worried about dating in some way, shape or form. Personally, I’m not really invested in trying to experience that. Mostly, I think the obsession with dating stems from people’s fears of being alone, especially when you talk about singlism being primarily directed at women.

Naturally – there are many people my age (and older) who are happily involved, pregnant or some such thing. BUT I’m just glad not to be one of those people – I love the freedom I have right now, and there’s no other situation that could replace or replicate it!

11 thoughts on “Being Happy, Single and Childfree!

  1. I’ve been there single & childfree and very happy. I can respect the decision to not have children. I just don’t understand how anyone can say they don’t like children? Why don’t you “particularly like kids”?

    As a mom it always scares me to hear people say that. I also have a hard time trusting people that don’t like the most honest, vulnerable and valuable part of humanity – children. I know children can be cruel but that they learn from cruel adults.

    • I don’t like kids because I just don’t think they’re adorable. I don’t see the appeal of babies, toddlers or even kids that can talk. Normally I just avoid them. I see it in the vein as people who don’t like cats or dogs – they’re just not for me. Generally, I prefer older people (my age and up). I don’t really know how to articulate it; but I simply don’t like children. I understand the position children have in our culture, and I think they deserve rights and significantly better treatment from both adults and other kids. But that doesn’t mean I have to be gushing with love for them.

    • Tons of people don’t like children! They are loud, whiny and sticky. That being said, I love love love my nieces and nephew. But their little friends? Not so much. I’m happy with my dog being my baby.

      • LOL. Yes, children are very dirty and messy. They’ll eat just about anything and love to roll around in stuff. That’s one of the things I don’t like about kids: so dirty. I don’t have any nieces or nephews! I’ve only got one sibling and he’s no where near the position in life to be having kids. But I do really love my much younger cousins. And I’m happy with my future kitty to be my baby!

    • I actually don’t love children either, especially infants. I don’t find them cute or adorable, and I hate the social expectation that I’m supposed to somehow think of them as being somehow appealing to my visual aesthetic. I actually feel the same way about kittens and puppies (I do not find neoteny appealing), and prefer to adopt adult cats and dogs as a result. So hey – there is definitely a place in the world for people like me.

      Just because I don’t like infants, doesn’t mean I can’t be trusted around them. I helped to raise my brother, and when he got a bit older – around 6/7 – we formed a pretty solid relationship then. These days I’m his closest confidante, and he knows he can trust me, and that I trust and respect him.

      Also, biologically, it makes sense to be drawn to children – so that we’ll raise children that don’t belong to us should anything happen to their parents, or when their parents aren’t available. But not everyone works the same way.

      That doesn’t mean that people who don’t have the same biological feedback as you are untrustworthy. Maybe you should ask some of us what we do instead – I’m a big fan of adopting adult animals, and I have seriously considered fostering teenagers, since they’re the *least* adopted, and *most* neglected subset of fosters out there; precisely because a lot of people are like ‘aw littler kids are amazing, I don’t want an older, more damaged one.’

      There NEED to be people like us out there, to help out the kids who aren’t the most honest, who aren’t the most valuable (according to those who love all the little kids), and who are INCREDIBLY vulnerable.

  2. I spoke with my mother on the phone the other night and half jokingly told her that I can’t afford kids because I already have 4 nieces and nephews and one on the way. “You know you don’t have to have kids, Ramou,” she said. Yes, mother, I am well aware of that. But it was still nice to hear her say that. And I’m not even 100% sure whether or not I will have children (95% sure I won’t be giving birth though), but I hate the questions and pressure – whether it’s real or not – to have kids at my age (28).
    As for liking children, I’m with natasiarose. The only children that I really care to spend significant time with are my nieces and nephews, but it is also so nice to be able to just be done and hand them over to my brother. I will say though that usually when I’m annoyed by a kid it’s the parents that annoy me more. If your child is sprawled out whining on the floor of the coffee shop that’s your fault.

    • Hey Ramou!! :D

      Parents can definitely be frustrating. I went to see THOR over the summer, and I saw next to a woman and her child. The ENTIRE film the child kept asking questions and the mom kept talking to her! It’s like Jesus lady, I spent money to see this movie, not hear you explain the backstory to your 8 year old! I really wanted her to tell her child to be quiet and watch the film. And I went to see Apollo 18 some time ago and this couple’s 4 year old starting crying – it was kinda scary (if you’re 4!). And it’s like, why would you bring a small child to see a horror film? Really? And this happens ALL THE TIME. I don’t understand what’s wrong with adults? Children on their own are pretty wild – especially as they get older – but when combined with negligent or poor parenting – it makes everyone’s lives really miserable. -.-

      Thanks for your comment!

  3. I really don’t like children that much at all, especially infants. When my friends give birth, I tend to be happy for my friend; because she’s my friend, but I have pretty much zero interest in interacting with the kid until he’s verbal, and then my interest will pretty much rise every year the kid gets more and more verbal. I feel the same way about kittens and puppies, I guess I’m just not drawn to neoteny, to be honest.

    But I rescue adult cats (and hopefully dogs), and I’ve thought about fostering teenagers. So it’s not like I don’t have a nurturing side, it’s just not biologically focused on infants or toddlers.

    I am TREMENDOUSLY glad to be childfree. I have always wanted to be childfree, since I was young enough to know that having children was an option, and I haven’t changed my mind ever since. I’m turning 30 this year, my biological clock turned on, and instead of wanting a kid, I’m pursuing adopting an adult dog instead – lol.

  4. You are speaking my language! Comic con! I’m very jeaulous right now. Oh maybe next year. I’m glad to read posts like this, there is not a darn thing wrong with being focused on what you want and there surely is nothing wrong with not wanting children. Viva the freedom!

    • Yes!! Haha.

      Definitely – focus is really important. Having too many things going on at once can be distracting and soul-sucking. I agree with focusing on what feeds you if you start to find yourself overwhelmed, and right now that’s comics and writing for me. Haha.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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